cliffsfords:

damn no wonder bruno mars was locked out of heaven he couldn’t reach the doorknob

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(Source: nailemojis, via squidyword)

chapsnats:

if u are about to get stabbed just say “I have too much swagger for the dagger” and they will leave u alone

(via fake-mermaid)

gvnkin:

botanize:

one more sandwich story when i was six my mum made me ham sandwiches and my friend had skin that was the same colour as ham and i’d feel bad eating it because it felt like i was eating her and i’d always leave over my sandwiches and my mum asked why and i was too embarassed to tell her the real reason so i told her i was vegetarian like my dad and to make that lie consistent ive been vegetarian for the past  almost 13 years 

Jesus Christ

(Source: ifyoureadingthis50centiloveu1995, via supreme-leader-and-queen)

buildabitchworkshop:

accidentally typing “teh” instead of “the”

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(via bullied)